The Emperor, Jason the Silly, enjoyed enjoying himself. Together with the empress, he ruled a frivolous empire of games and laughter, and was very partial to parties and jokes. No person questioned his hilarity and no citizen objected to his jesting. He was a tyrant of smiles.
One day a beautiful maiden named Natasha stumbled into the Empire’s lands. She had been lost and followed the directions of a friend to arrive there. Having very little interest in the nonsensical activities of the Emperor or his people, Natasha kept much to herself and only spoke to the friend who had initially guided her there. Her intention was to leave shortly after.
Nevertheless, she caught the emperor’s eye. He sought to entertain her – or more to entertain himself – with manic ramblings and chaotic humour which she failed to understand. Natasha ignored him. The emperor was displeased with being ignored. He left and said no more… for now.
Only one week later, the Emperor Jason’s boredom was high and his fun was low; and he returned. He sought a private audience with Natasha to mock her for his amusement. Feeling more frenzied than ever before, he intended to fill her brain with more balderdash flapdoodle than she had ever heard in her life. With his leader status and his great experience in confusticating his subjects, Emperor Jason had no doubt in his mind that the maiden would obediently swallow his hogwash.
He was wrong. Natasha had danced with insanity before and didn’t wish to return to such a state of bafflement and frustration again. She shut the door in the emperor’s face and locked it without a second thought.
The Emperor was absolutely astounded. A person in his empire dared to lock him out!? He went back to his castle and decreed that Natasha was a criminal and had her thrown out of his lands.
“She is childish!” He announced, “She did not like my jokes. Thus, she will be banished and may never ever return.”
Natasha did not mind being thrown out of the Empire. She had not liked the place in any case. She did, however, object to being called childish. Rather, she believed it was the other way around with his contant games and jokes. His domain was more a place for the immature than the lands where she came from.
Therefore, Natasha sought revenge. She travelled to the realm of the Moon Cattle. Coats as black as the void of space and white patches as glistening as the satellite itself, the Moon Cattle tread on silent hooves across the dusty landscape. The maiden told them her plight.
With little hesitation, the Moon Cattle scrapped at the sand with their hooves to uncover a scroll: a gift for her. Natasha picked up the scroll and opened it.
Here inscribed is a testament to the childishness of Jason the Silly. All who read this document shall know his foolishness and reject his jests. And worst of all, Jason himself shall realise the depth of his un-funny nature. Moo to the Moon and Amen.
- Commissioned by a Friend